“Racism is a form of oppression in which one racial group dominates over others” (Sensoy and DiAngelo, 2017, p. 39). The book discussed how white people are the dominant society and those of colour are considered minority. Prior to this class I had not fully explored or understood the impacts of one culture being dominant. Growing up in a white family, being surrounded by primarily white friends and classmates, I had subconsciously engaged in being a stereotypical, naive, white individual, who at one point argued that I did not see colour. However this class challenged me to think deeper about my whiteness and the privilege it presents; it stirred uncomfortable thoughts and emotions while I came to terms with my biases. In my Self Story 2, I had an eye opening realization of the trauma and poverty many indigenous youth were facing right here in our city. I experienced a roller coaster of emotions from sad, confused and happy, as I carried in the home baked muffins from my well off white school into an inner city school here in Regina. We had pulled up to an old, scary looking building with metal fences and during the short walk from the car to the large front metal doors, I had noticed the most diverse atmosphere I had ever seen, leaving my brain to question everything.
This moment reminded a lot of Megan’s Self Story, where she talked about living in a place where she was comfortable and having to move to an unknown town far away from her friends and teachers. Upon arrival she could not help but notice the diversity of her new school and shared with readers her reflected emotions of , “remember[ing] there were only three white people in my class. Myself, one of my classmates, and the teacher.” Her experience of entering what seemed to be this ‘new world’ as a young, white individual resonated with me and I feel it perfectly encapsulated my emotions during my muffin delivery. I remember looking around at the brown-eyed, little girls staring up at my blond hair as we unpacked the muffins. Time seemed to stand still as I was flooded with emotion, emotion that may have been ignited because in their school I was the minority. Had I not had this experience, I may not have started to ask questions about my privilege. I may not have personalized my education around the food insecurities and poverty due to the intergenerational trauma that exists for our Indigenous youth. I clearly remember getting into the vehicle with our teacher. I remember feeling heavy and emotional. Our teacher broke the silence to help us reflect on our experience. She knew we all had thousands of questions so she started to unpack the experience with us. We got to see first-hand how appreciated those muffins were.
Knol’s story helped me understand my breakthrough better when he said “Her family opened my eyes to how the world wasn’t all simple, or happy and carefree.” In context, he was referencing how he stepped out of his comfort zone to talk to the “only person of colour in [his] whole school” and the emotions that came along with that. He had gone against the normative narratives surrounding race that his school had created and ended up making a lifelong friend. I too saw first hand that not all kids have their basic needs met. Their lives may not have been so simple and their problems were different from mine. His story helped me reflect on the moment I had finally broken through the barrier of being ignorant to race and the impact racial norms have on society. Similar to how he ended up with a lifelong friend, I ended up with a lifelong aspiration of being a teacher to help change the narrative for people of colour and the norms that surround them.
ii)Creating counter-stories: Disrupting normative narratives
The previous stories I chose highlight similar emotions that were displayed throughout mine. However approaching Keyan’s story it began to bring back many of the uncomfortable emotions I had mentioned earlier. Coming from white privilege, and going through school with mostly white friends, I had never witnessed a story from the other side of society’s ‘line of race’. I had been the one to stand on the sidelines and watch, because I was somewhat a part of the “colour blind racism” (p. 130) as explained in the book Is Everyone Really Equal by Ozlem Sensoy and Robin DiAngelo. Although I was not “pretending… [to] not notice race” (p. 130) I disregarded it. Therefore when Keyan talks about her story from the other perspective being part of the minority in the cycle of racism and how it is affecting her everyday life I became intrigued.
Keyan was in the midst of a fire drill, a high pressure situation in a place that is supposed to be known as safe, her school. She experiences a young white boy searching for attention and not stopping at any cost to the point of discriminating against her and her new friend who are both people of colour. “He whispered beside my ear: “Asian, am I right ?!”” and bolted to the bathroom knowing that what he had done was wrong, leaving triggering emotions for the both of them. It’s eye opening to read about such a sad reality that frequently occurs. It further highlighted my whiteness, as I imagined myself being in that hallway and questioned if my childhood self would have been there for her or I would have been immobilized by the fear of going against society’s normative narratives.
My story expressed the lack of knowledge I had in my past and in a way portrayed how I conformed to society’s racist narratives because even though I was not educated in schools about it, I did not make the effort to learn about it either. I had muffin experience, I asked questions. I understood that there were differences from my school to a school that lies in our inner city. Yet, my teenage self didn’t actively pursue my own education on why ‘inner cities exist’. Keyan’s story silenced my white privilege background because for a moment I was able to place myself in someone’s footsteps and step into someone else’s reality. It made me sick to my stomach, reflecting on my adolescent memories when I recall possible emotionally damaging situations when I stood by and watched and may have even laughed because of how uneducated I had been brought up. I never thought to stand up for the person but now I will and do, even to my own family. I now know that disrupting normative narratives suppresses hiding behind the scenes in fear of others because without knowledge there will be no change.
References:
Sensoy, Özlem, and Robin J. DiAngelo. Is Everyone Really Equal?: an Introduction to Key Concepts in Social Justice Education. Teachers College Press, 2017.
