We were driving north on the ring road. My mom in the driver’s seat and me in the passenger. I was in grade 9, and my mom was picking me up from my after school club. We were sitting in silence. Me on my phone, my mom paying attention to the road. The song on the radio changed and I started talking. “II think i want a haircut.” My hair was near my hips. The Mermaid length I used to call it. It was so long because I danced, but once I started high school I quit dancing, and now I have too much hair. I wanted to cut it off.
“How much?” my mom asked, staring at the road. “All of it,” I said in jest. Then her face changed. I was confused for a minute before she spoke again “not all of it, maybe just shoulder length.” “ No shorter than that. Maybe chin length” i said. My mom sighed. It was clear by this point that she did not like the idea of me cutting my hair at all. Maybe she was living her hair dreams through me, which doesn’t make sense as I have two little sisters whose hair touches their butts. And so I pried, as I so often do.
“Can I not cut my hair?”
“No you can cut it… but do you have to cut it so short?”
“Yes. I want a bob or something. It’s too long.”
“Your hair is so pretty though.”
“Is my hair the only thing that makes me pretty?”
And then there was silence. Not many more words were spoken. The conversation wasn’t heavy by any stretch of the imagination, but the atmosphere was strange. It felt as though my mom was more attached to my hair than me. Like the length of my hair was a prize of my femininity that she had given to me. And now I want to cut it all off. I was especially confused because i didn’t want an undercut or anything super short, a bob my all accounts is still quite femanine. I was not acting out of what I viewed as my gender norm. I would still look like a girl, but to my mom it meant more.
I still don’t understand why my mom was and still is so invested in my hair. Even now when i go get a haircut she’s scared I’ll come home with a mullet or no hair at all. I don’t see short hair as defiant of gender norms, but my mom does. I can only chalk it up to being generational.
Hey Meg! I can relate to your experience about cutting your hair short. I don’t know what it is about, but many people get attached to other people’s hair. I had long hair to maybe mid-chest, which is long for me. But once I cut it shoulder length and everyone was shocked that I cut it. But having short hair is just as feminine as having long hair. I feel like society thinks girls should have long hair or shoulder-length hair but nothing shorter than that. I also liked how you applied the conversation and the tension in the car.
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