Writing the Self #4: The Natural Look

There was a fruity smell that filled the air. I began working some fruit scented hair product through my damp hair, trying to eliminate some fizz and craziness even though it is inevitable having naturally curly hair. I began getting frustrated. I had just combed thoroughly through my hair, yet as I ran my fingers through the wet curls I came across more knotts. How is this possible? I gave up trying to make my hair “perfect,” and instead began to talk to my friend who was sitting in a criss-cross applesauce position as she carefully curled her long blonde hair. 

We had my little bose bluetooth speaker blasted to the max playing some of our favorite Rhianna, Lady Gaga, and Kesha songs while we continued to get ready for the dance. We sang and danced without a care in the world until we saw what time it was. Our hearts began to race as we rushed to find the perfect outfit. Once we were dressed I noticed my friend pull out her fancy, Victoria Secret makeup bag. She started to apply some makeup on herself.

 “Hey you should put some mascara on your eyelashes! It will make your blue eyes stand out so much more!”

I sat there contemplating how to respond because I knew I did not want to put on any makeup. Since I have an awful time telling people “no,” I casually implied “no” by stating I was not sure if I wanted to wear any mascara. 

“Why would you not want a little mascara? It is honestly harmless! It just adds a little pizzazz for your whole look.” 

I cracked under the pressure. “Okay, sure, I will let you put some on me. Please just do not put too much though. You know I have a habit of rubbing my eyes, so do you think we should even do this?” I continued to try hinting that I did not want to wear any makeup.

She responds confidently “don’t worry! It will be just fine!”

I began to look at myself in the mirror with the black, bold mascara making my eyelashes stand out. Why? Why, do I not like this? Makeup is supposed to boost your confidence and make you feel pretty, right?? This was the complete opposite for me. Something just did not feel right – I did not feel like myself. I felt as if I was being forced to be someone I am not and that just did not sit right with me. 

There was no way I was going to the dance feeling like this so I told my friend I was taking it off. She was confused that I wanted to take it off because it made me “look so good.” I thanked her for trying this, but I had to explain that it just was not for me. As much as it sometimes annoyed me, I still preferred the feeling of the natural look, no different than my hair.

After removing the makeup, a smile lit up my face. This felt right, this felt like me.