Self Story 4: Just another day….

With the raw taste of a Tim Horton’s decaf on my breath I began to breath a bit heavier. The air smelling sterile with a hint of nerves and coffee. I grew self conscious. Can the nurse smell my breath? I’m not ready. This isn’t how the day was supposed to pan out. Can the doctors tell I’m not ready? Do they know I am alone?

As I experienced a pain only comparable to stubbing a thousand toes, walking over a million coals or sitting on a billion thumb tacks, I was surprisingly still alive. How could it be possible? The nurse kept asking me; do you feel any pain? Luckily with every monitor beep I could hear in the distance I was able to remain calm and not succumb to the pain I was feeling. Softly I would tell her I was O.K. She would make conversation, I would nod or moan, hoping she would eventually stop talking soon so I could resume my nap.

Coffee in hand I walked into my doctors office, routine check up. The doctor did just that, she checked me out. She then gave me some papers and told me to head to the hospital, I assumed for more routine work such as an ultra sound or some bloodwork. I hopped in my car and headed into the heavily trafficked health center, the dreaded hospital. Amongst a crowd of people a receptionist in vibrant scrubs singled me out. She looked at me and exclaimed I was in labor. News to me? I did not argue as I was just happy to have avoided the line and being 7 month pregnant, even happier to be off of my feet that much sooner than expected. Why the urgency? Turns out I was in extreme hypertension and my blood sugar levels were toxic. The doctors intentions to avoid alarm hence her shortage of words. Her assumption incorrect that I had a family member or partner waiting to take me to the hospital in their waiting room when she had sent me away. She was wrong.

The night went on. The beeps continued to chime through the darkness and pain. I was no longer alone. I had my mother at my side. She was all I had ever needed. The nurse kept asking me if I was ready, I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t do it. I was in too much pain. I wanted it all to end, the sickness, pain, emotions. Before I knew it, it was over. I did it. I gave birth. I performed my gender and survived child birth and quite well to say the least. I did it.

I made it through child birth and it was just another day.