The topic of the impact of violence and abuse is a sensitive one because educators do not always know the best strategies or the best teaching practices in approaching these topic, also variety of reactions to these topic that may appear. Unfortunately, many children, young people and adults live in situations where they are subjected to abuse. In that way it is extremely important to be well informed and prepared. Every person has the right to grow up without being harmed by others, and to have basic needs met (Sanders & Myers, 1996).

• Healthy relationships are enjoyable, respectful and provide opportunities for many positive experiences that affect self-esteem. It takes time and energy to develop positive healthy relationships with anyone, including family, friends, and community.
• Healthy relationships are characterized by communication, honesty, respect, reliability, sharing, and trust. They are based on the belief that both sides are equal and that decision making in the relationship is shared equally.
• In healthy relationships, we must maintain the freedom to be ourselves. It is important to maintain an individual identity, regardless of the type of relationship being pursued.
• A healthy relationship should be satisfying and promote individual growth. Establishing mutually acceptable boundaries based on personal values is important in any relationship. Mutual respect means not only giving respect, but also showing respect for oneself.
• Relationships generally start out with good intentions. As relationships develop, disagreements and conflicts may arise. Conflict is not necessarily negative if we deal with it appropriately. How we deal with conflict is based on a given situation, as well as on previously learned behaviors(Grade 12 active healthy lifestyles: Manitoba physical education/health education curriculum framework of outcomes and a foundation for implementation, 2009).
• When the behaviors in a relationship are inappropriate, responsibilities are not being met, this can be developed into an unhealthy relationship. If the conflicts that arise are not mutually resolved, they may lead to unacceptable behaviors, which may be considered abusive.
• Abuse is a pattern of behavior used by one person to gain and maintain power and control over another person. Violence is a behavior involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something.

Types of abuse:

• Physical. It can include punching, hitting, slapping, kicking, strangling, or physically restraining a partner against their will. It can also include driving recklessly or invading someone’s physical space, and in any other way making someone feel physically unsafe.
•  Sexual.There are many ways that the feelings around it can be uniquely used for power and control. These may include: unwanted touching, forced or coerced sex
• Emotional.Making degrading comments, ignoring, isolating, controlling friendships and/or activities, threatening. While the signs of physical abuse might be noticeable to a friend or family member, the effects of verbal/emotional abuse are harder to spot, and harder to prove. Emotional scars can often take longer to heal.
• Mental or psychological abuse happens when one partner, through a series of actions or words, wears away at the other’s sense of mental wellbeing and health. It often involves making the victim doubt their own sanity. The victim depends on the abuser more and more because they don’t trust their own judgment, and hesitate to tell anyone about the abuse they’re experiencing, for fear they won’t be believed.
• Financial/ Economic. Because abuse is about power and control, an abuser will use any means necessary to maintain that control, and often that includes finances. Whether it is controlling all of the budgeting in the household and not letting the survivor have access to their own bank accounts or spending money, or opening credit cards and running up debts in the survivor’s name, or simply not letting the survivor have a job and earn their own money, this type of abuse is often a big reason why someone is unable to leave an abusive relationship. So: taking or withholding money, controlling spending
• Cultural / Spiritual abuse happens when abusers use aspects of a victim’s particular cultural identity to inflict suffering, or as a means of control. Not letting someone observe the dietary or dress customs of their faith, using racial slurs, threatening to ‘out’ someone as LGBQ/T if their friends and family don’t know, or isolating someone who doesn’t speak the dominant language where they live – all of these are examples of cultural abuse (REACH TEAM, 2016).

• Anyone, regardless of background, can be abusive, and both males and females can be abused. Emotional abuse is often a warning sign of escalating abuse. In some cases, physical abuse does not start until much later in a relationship, but early warning signs are usually evident. Being aware of warning signs during the dating process is especially important.

We should be able to recognize warning signals of unhealthy/abusive relationships:

• Treating someone with disrespect (Name-calling, insulting, blaming, humiliating · Swearing at you or yelling at you · Doing or saying things that are disrespectful or rude)
• Emotional roller coaster (Being explosive or having wild mood swings · Cheerful one minute and angry the next · Alternating between being cruel and kind)
• Isolation (Being possessive · Not wanting you to be with other people · Placing limits on who you can spend time with or the amount of time you spend with other people · Trying to keep you away from your friends and family) (Alberta Children and Youth Services, 2008)
• Experts investigated the phenomenon of violence for years but still didn’t make the final decision if violence being inherited or learned (Connor, Steve, 2014), (Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center, 2000), (Wood & Kar, 2003) .

A victim of abuse is never responsible/to blame for violent and abusive behaviors of others. Anyone can be abusive and anyone can be the victim of abuse. It happens regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race or economic background. If you are being abused by your partner, you may feel confused, afraid, angry and/or trapped. All of these emotions are normal responses to abuse. You might also blame yourself for what is happening. But, no matter what others might say, you are never responsible for your partner’s abusive actions. Being abusive is a choice. It’s a strategic behavior the abusive person uses to create their desired power dynamic. Regardless of the circumstances of the relationship or the pasts of either partner, no one ever deserves to be abused. Abuse of any kind is unacceptable and may even be indictable under the Criminal Code of Canada (Why Do People Abuse?).

There is a definite pattern for the abuse, which is recurring and appears to have three distinct phases. This pattern is commonly referred to as the “cycle of abuse”.

• The first phase is the “Honeymoon Phase”. This phase is how the relationship starts. The abusive individual creates a safe space filled with love and a sense of security in the relationship. This phase holds a significant draw for the person who is experiencing the abuse as feelings of love are very powerful.  The abusive person acts in ways they know their partner will desire and appreciate.
• The second phase is the “Tension Building Phase”. During this phase, the person experiencing the abuse is aware that tension within the relationship is increasing. The abusive partner may give the other partner the “silent treatment”, refusing to answer them or answering only in grunts. The abused individual tries to keep their abusive partner from becoming angry.
• The tension continues to grow and the “Explosive Phase” occurs. This is the time that the abusive behavior occurs whether it’s verbal, emotional, sexual and/or physical.  There is nothing the person who is experiencing the abuse can do to prevent the abusive behavior. No matter what, the abusive individual will find an excuse to abuse.

• After the abusive event, the abusive partner tries to get the relationship back the “Honeymoon Phase” by becoming the partner the other fell in love with. In order to do this, the abusive partner is often sincerely sorry for the abuse and many promises are made, saying “I’ll never do it again.”, “I’ll go to marriage counselling.”, “I’ll quit drinking.” However, in time, the tension begins building again and another explosion occurs.

This cycle of abuse will repeat itself again and again. In most abusive relationships the abuse becomes more frequent and severe and the “Honeymoon Phase” becomes shorter and shorter, and sometimes even disappears completely. The longer the cycle is allowed to continue the more dangerous it becomes for the person being abused and the less strength they have to employ a plan to leave (Cycle Of Abuse).

The impact of the cycle of abuse on the holistic well-being of children`s self:

• Guilty, sad or depressed believing that they are somehow responsible for the abuse.
• Powerless and helpless because they feel a need to help solve the abuse even though it is beyond their control.
• Angry at the abusive parent for hurting the other, or angry at the victim, blaming them that the abuse is their own fault.
• Confused about their role in the family, because parents may try to get children to choose sides. Children may also be confused about the relationship between love and violence; they may feel as though someone who loves them is allowed to hurt them. They may struggle with trusting authority figures and peers. They may not know how to express anger in a healthy way or cope with stress and conflict, and may learn to use aggressive language and behavior to communicate. Males are at a higher risk to abuse their partners when they grow up. This means, without professional intervention, the cycle of violence will continue into the next generation.
• Afraid for themselves and all family members. Children may also be afraid of being a failure or being abandoned. Children may display a fear of going to sleep and have nightmares or dreams of danger.
• Sick because witnessing violence may cause children to experience headaches, ulcers, stomach aches, and asthma.
• Isolated and insecure often making up excuses so they don’t have to go home or avoiding bringing friends home. They may have difficulty developing close relationships and separating themselves from conflict.
• Dishonest and embarrassed because they make up excuses to family and friends for signs of abuse. A child often uses all their energy to keep the family secret, believing that if the secret is known the family will fall apart.
• Overwhelmed by the situation, often leading to poor school performance, a need for attention and an unusual degree of fear.

Children who do not experience a secure, healthy relationship in early childhood may become avoidant, resistant, or ambivalent toward their parents/caregivers. As adolescents and adults, these individuals may have a difficult time trusting friends and intimate partners, or letting people get too close for fear of being hurt or rejected (Cycle Of Abuse).

• Sources of support or help:

If children are witnessing abuse or being abused themselves, they can openly talk to a counselor. This can help children to understand that violence is not acceptable and they are not to blame. Discussing and developing a safety plan with a counselor can protect children’s safety.

1-800-668-6868 Canada Kids Help Phone; The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

Works Cited

Alberta Children and Youth Services. (2008, October). Prevention of Family Violence and Bullying. Alberta, Canada.

Child Abuse Prevention Month, Grades 3 – 6 Lesson Plan . (2017, April). Retrieved September 25, 2018, from MBF Child Safety Matters: https://mbfchildsafetymatters.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/April-3-6_LP_2017_web.pdf

Connor, Steve. (2014, October 28). Two genes found linked to tendency for violent crime. Retrieved September 25, 2018, from Independent: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/two-genes-found-linked-to-tendency-for-violent-crime-9824061.html

Cycle Of Abuse. (n.d.). Retrieved September 25, 2018, from Envision Councelling & Support Centre: http://envisioncounsellingcentre.com/innerpage/resources/partner-abuse/cycle-of-abuse/

Grade 12 active healthy lifestyles: Manitoba physical education/health education curriculum framework of outcomes and a foundation for implementation. (2009). Winnipeg, Manitoba , Canada.

REACH TEAM. (2016). 6 Different Types of Abuse. Retrieved 09 25, 2018, from REACH Beyond Domestic Violence: https://reachma.org/6-different-types-abuse/

Sanders, P., & Myers, S. (1996). Child abuse. London: Aladdin Books Ltd.

The Comprehensive School Health Approach. (n.d.). Retrieved September 25, 2018, from Alberta Health Services: https://www.albertahealthservices.ca/info/csh.aspx

Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center. (2000, November 9). Violence Is A Learned Behavior, Say Researchers At Wake Forest University. Retrieved September 25, 2018, from ScienceDaily: www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2000/11/001106061128.htm

Why Do People Abuse? (n.d.). Retrieved September 25, 2018, from The National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/why-do-people-abuse/

Wood, C., & Kar, R. (2003, March 17). Male Violence and Its Causes. Retrieved September 25, 2018, from The Canadian Encyclopedia: https://www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/male-violence-and-its-causes