I’m not sure if I have ever come to know myself as gendered; I’ve never put any thought into my gender.  I mean yeah sure, I’m a girl physically, and I grew up painting my nails, playing barbies, listening to Britney Spears and all the other “girly” things.  But it was never pushed onto me by family or friends, it was just simply what I enjoyed as a child.  In fact I think I used to  push my friends into doing more “girly” activities then they would have like.

Growing up I had an older brother and my parents were together till I was 10.  My dad and brother were into total “guy” stuff, like car races, building cars, smashing cars, pretty much everything and anything to do with vehicles.  We were never a sports family either.  And my mom was more into what my dad and brother liked as well, instead of liking “feminine” things. But as a child I was just naturally drawn to the more feminine things in life, I always had pink and played dress up, I was even so obsessed with boys that a couple of my friends questioned their sexuality at a very young age because they just didn’t get it yet.  I was a total and complete girl.

As I got older though, I started to enjoy more action and superhero movies, cars, demolition derby’s and mud bogs.  Started making guy friends went skateboarding, biking and did other dumb kid stuff that parents often relate to boys doing.  Went from dressing “girly” to wearing baggy clothes with skulls and rips; I became sort of a “tomboy”.  But through all of that I still never thought about my gender much, it was just what I liked, and I guess maybe a bit of teenage angst.  But maybe right now is the moment that I am coming to know myself as gendered, maybe right now I’m realizing that I started out so feminine is because as a child the media marketed “girly” too me.  With being young and not knowing to never thinking about it, it just flies under the radar.  Then as I got older and had friends into “boy” stuff, I probably started realizing that I liked it and never understood why I had never given it a chance before.  And I think it turned into me not wanting to be girly anymore either, like girly was a bad thing, and I needed to be different.

Now being an adult, I find that I am a mix of my childhood ultra feminine self and my tomboy adolescence.  I love having my hair and nails done, wearing heels, dresses, and purses.  I love being a mom and I would enjoy being a wife, because taking care of people is in my nature, I don’t see it as a role.  But even though I look like a complete girl majority of the time, I would still dive into a pool of mud, race/crash cars, or learn how to build an engine, because it’s fun! I think people tend to stay away from things because they “shouldn’t” act like that, but if you enjoy it, do it!