Who Is In My Pocket.

“Colten” is who I have chosen to put in my pocket so he will always be there to remind me of how I can do better as a teacher. Colten is my son, and it makes me so proud to see what he has overcome. Every day, he inspires me with his determination to show up no matter how different that may look from other people. You see, Colten has struggled through school but silently. Most teachers look for the students whose struggles manifest in behaviours or are reflected in outcomes and goals not being met. Sometimes, the ones who sit quietly and have figured out how to pass by without having attention brought to them are the ones who need the closest monitoring. That is the case for my son.
Colten’s struggles began during grade 4. There were not so many apparent struggles during school, but it was when he got home from school and every morning when it was time to get him to school. This went on for 4 years until now, in grade 9, and things have finally come to the surface. As a parent, I always knew something was off: certain milestones not being met on time, the struggles regulating emotions, the outbursts when it came time to transition from activity to activity, the confusion and panic brought on by not understanding essential math concepts and a difficulty reading at home. Because these struggles were not seen at school there was nothing wrong. I always felt judged because Colten was always late to school, appeared messy because we struggled with hygiene habits, and would only eat certain “unhealthy” foods. He was also considered a flight risk because he would leave and go home if he was put in loud environments or didn’t understand his tasks. I don’t know how many times I sat on the other end of the table talking to teachers about the concerns I had about my son. Teachers smiled and nodded and reassured me everything was fine because he did not misbehave at school, although he was labeled as “under motivated”, “different”, and “unique”. He was conditioned and learned at a young age if he acted a certain way he would not get into trouble and people would leave him alone. He put his head down, copied the other students and here we are now in grade 9 when expectations are too hard for him.
Reading and math are extremely hard for him. Math causes him extreme anxiety and confusion. These struggles have given him the belief he is not smart and cannot succeed. As a mother it breaks my heart seeing my son struggle like this and not feel successful at school. As a student in education, it angers me to know that what I am learning was not implemented with my child. I am not worried about my son failing though. You see, through his weaknesses he has so many strengths. Colten may not be able to do math in a classroom, but he is very capable of coding. He can 3D print and is doing computer engineering by creating his own designs and is very mechanical. He loves tinkering on machines and fixing things. I do not know very much about that world, but to me he is doing math in his own way. He picks up books about circuiting, and electrical work and can figure out how to find the information in those texts and online to help him with his hobbies. YouTube is very helpful for him. He doesn’t watch YouTube for the entertainment he watches it to learn what interests him. He is the definition of “where there is a will there is a way”.
So, Colten will always be in my pocket but not because he is my son but because I know there are more children like him. He will be there to remind me to look for those students who may not be so obvious, and to listen with my ears and my heart to those parents who are sitting on the other side of the table from me.