Normative Narratives
From the time we are little, our families, culture and society as a whole tells us what it means to be male/female and what are the “norms” based on our gender. These gender binaries, teach us what is expected and acceptable such as men/boys being expected to be strong, active, athletic, handy/mechanically inclined, and tough while women are weak, inferior, nurturing, emotional and incapable when it comes to things mechanical such as vehicles or home repairs. Even everyday things that most of us don’t give much thought to such as the clothes we wear or our hairstyle are linked to these gender binaries as one of my classmates recounted in her blog when she expressed to her mother her desire to cut her hair short. These socially constructed stories, or normative narratives, are based on “Patriarchy [which is] the belief in the inherent superiority of men and male norms.” (Sensoy et al., 2017 p.103)
Gender binaries have a huge impact on who we are and how we view ourselves, especially when disrupting those normative narratives puts us in a position of possibly not being accepted or ridiculed by others. One of my classmates recounted in his blog a time when he was in line waiting to buy a Valentine gift for a girl he was crushing on. He described how he “…wouldn’t let [his] friends catch [him] dead in this lineup” and how he “…wondered what they would think if they saw [him] standing here…”. In the end, the potential backlash from his friends caused him to leave the line, without the gift.
In Accepting the New Norm the author shares a memory of a time in school when he overheard classmates “…making fun of [him] for showing [his] emotions about something that happened yesterday. Something a man “can’t do.”. In the documentary Tough Guise 2: Violence, Manhood and American Culture , Jackson Katz tells us how “Qualities like compassion, caring, empathy, intellectual curiosity, fear, vulnerability, even love – basic human qualities that boys have inside them every bit as much as girls do – get methodically driven out of them by a sexist and homophobic culture that labels these things “unmanly,” “feminine,” “womanly,” and “gay,” and teaches boys to avoid them at all costs.” (Earp & Katz, 2013, 19:21). None of us should have to defend ourselves, actions, or interests because they don’t ‘fit” with the socially constructed stories we have been told about our gender. But how do we get to a place where ourselves and our children feel free to make choices because they want to, not because of what society dictates they should based on their gender?
Creating Counter Stories
While we may think we have come a long way from where we were when our mothers and grandmothers were our age, the reality is that oppression is “…much easier to see in the past than in the present.” (Sensoy et al., 2017 p.104) and moving forward we need to understand “…that it can adapt and change over time, while still maintaining inequitable outcomes overall.” (Sensoy et al., 2017 p.104). The only way we are going to push past the normative narratives associated with our gender is to challenge them when we are presented with them.
I grew up in a house where my father insisted that his daughters learn how to do what some would consider “male” tasks such as how to change a flat tire, using power tools and basic home repairs. While these skills have served me well over the years, and saved me considerable money in not needing to hire someone for basic repairs, it has also put me in the position of having to face gender binaries and the normative narratives that accompany them. Luckily because of my dad, I have enough confidence in my abilities to take on these tasks, but to also stand up to anyone who may question my ability to do so. In a previous blog post I describe one such situation in a hardware store when a male employee made assumption based on my gender that I could not possibly know what part to get to fix a broken toilet, let alone that I was the one fixing it. Needless to say, by the end of our interaction I had disrupted that normative narrative and hopefully changed that man’s mind about the gender binary he was perpetuating.
We used to tease my dad that he had the best of both worlds, girls who knew how to cook and bake but who could also hang drywall and owned power tools, something that definitely disrupts the gender binaries of what a woman “can” do. As the mother of a young daughter, I know it is unrealistic to expect for her to never experience or defend herself against socially constructed limits that society has placed on her or that she will never miss out on something great because she is afraid of the potential repercussions of going against societal norms. That is why I am trying to raise her the way my parents did, in a way that she will feel confident and comfortable enough in herself and her abilities to stand up to those with whom try to make her “fit” into their mold of what someone of her gender should or shouldn’t do. I’ve never really thought of myself as a feminist, however I am starting to see myself as more of one as I watch my daughter grow up. After all, “Feminism is not about making women strong. It’s about changing the way the world perceives that strength.” G.D. Anderson
Sources:
Katz, J. (2013). Tough Guise 2: Violence Manhood and American Culture. USA; Media Education Foundation. https://uregina.kanopy.com/video/tough-guise-2.
Sensoy, Ö., & DiAngelo, R. J. (2017). In Is everyone really equal?: an introduction to key concepts in social justice education (2nd ed.). essay, Teachers College Press.